Perspective: My Trauma, Fear and Rejection

Well we have made it through another week of CoronaVirus, Stay Home, Social Distancing of 2020.

I honestly have no clue what to call it, other than that.

Today, has been 2 weeks since we closed BBW and shut down the store. Originally we had some high hopes we would have been open by yesterday, the mall sent an email saying they weren't going to open until the 19th, and then Pres. Trump extended the Social Distancing until the 30th.

I honestly have no clue when I am going back to work. I am literally just trying to take it day by day and moment by moment, and week by week.

I have been surviving and also Thriving during this process.

I am a child of hard things. I have been through some tough shit in my day, and maybe I will get to that at some point, but we can save that for another post.

Today the idea of Perspective is in my brain.

If you don't know, which I am sure you do know if you follow along with me, but Rachel Hollis, whom is one of the many people I look up too, and inspire from, is hosting a Next 90 Challenge.

If you have never done one before, the 90 Day Challenge, usually comes the beginning of October and runs until January and it is the Last 90 Days, it is with the Intent that we end the year, with a fire and purpose and sky rocket into the new year, with more motivation and routine and structure more than when we normally do the end of the year. Its pretty amazing and I have done it last two years and she began this one because of all that is going on in the world right now, we can really use some motivation and help.

So began The Next 90 Challenge, because like she says, the next 90 Days are going to be tough, they will take some adjustment and we can use the structure and routine and community more than ever.

I am not going to sit here and right all that comes along with the Next 90 Challenge because I do not want to steal the Thunder from here, so check it out here if you haven't already.

Please join me, lets be accountability partners and get through these Next 90 Days together.

Each week Rachel is hosting a class on a certain topic and this week it is Perspective.

By definition Perspective means:
1. A particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view.
2. The art of drawing solid objects on a two-dimensional surface so as it give the right impression of their height, width, depth, and position in relation to each other when viewed from a particular point.

I have lived my whole life through finding Perspective or Shifting my Perspective I should say based on what I have been through. I was brought up in a household where alcoholism and drug addiction was at a fore front of much of my memories. I do not shame or hate my parents for this, my father has since died from these diseases, and yes, they are diseases. I just don't think my parents had a control on the situation in a way it should of been.

So I have been shifting my Perspective a bit about my past.

Perspective from Past Trauma...

Yes, I have seen some shit, and it was hard times, but because I we lost our house, my mom went to jail for little bit, my dad was a huge alcoholic and I literally had to sell everything that was of value to me, because of those things, I was able to move in with my Poppy and live in his home, with him, and our relationship was gifted to be the saving point of my life.

If we, I, had not gone through that, I would not have the relationship I have with my Poppy to this day. We are very close, he is my entire world and heart and I am now grateful for those experiences because if I did not have them, I would not have the blessing of the closeness we have today.

Even though this is from the past, shifting your perspective allows to look back and shift how things had turned out.

I can not change the past, I repeat I CAN NOT CHANGE THE PAST,  BUT I DON'T want too, never would I change how I was brought up, because it has made me into me, I now just look at it from a different angle and find meaning from it.

I was raised that way, to be able to stand stronger and more positive than I ever should.

Now perspective from FEAR.

I fear Rejection.

Rejection is a hard one for me, because many of a times I have been rejected in so many ways or another. From growing up and being rejected from what seemed like family and family members, to being rejected by friends to being rejected by many boys in school. And then growing up Rejection came in the form of a promotion or a job opportunity.

Gosh, those promotions and job opportunity ones, really dig it in to you.

When I worked at TR, our DM, whom is and was my mentor was leaving her position to go onto bigger and better things. I was excited for her and heartbroken for me personally but also a little excited because I had felt I was next in line for her job. I was an Acting DM, I was a Training Manager, I had the tools and the respect and the knowledge, gosh I could almost taste it.

And then...

They never even allowed me to apply. They overlooked me, didn't post it enough for me to apply or even ask me to reach out and do it. And they changed the description to make it so, I honestly had no chance.

Perspective time...because of that moment, I changed my whole life.

A fire burned in my belly and I was ready to move on. I instantly knew my time, with a company I had spent almost 8 years with, giving everything I had too, I knew it was time for me to move on. And with in 5 months, I found BBW and my whole axle my life was sitting on turned upside down and I started over again with a new company, with a bright future and doing better than I ever was.

I shifted the idea that they didn't want me, that they were trying to push me out, and I changed into a reward, that the next company I go to, will be able to see how awesome I truly am, and I can bring knowledge and skills.

While I was hurt and I gave myself a good cry, I knew this was my way of being able to change, because I am not sure I would have been able to leave that company, if they hadn't rejected me.

My perspective shift, allowed me to find something better.

And the same goes for when I applied for a SM position with my current company and I was rejected.

It stung A LOT.

I mean A LOT.

I think because rejection has been an armor I have built around myself and when I try to fight it off, it just keeps coming through the cracks. But I took this past one, as it allows me to get stronger, learn the business more, build my character and my leadership, so next time, I can really blow it out of the water.

I shifted my Perspective to maybe it really isn't my time, just yet. Maybe I need to grow more in other areas, to truly take it to the next level and I did just that. I shifted it to be a better ASM, a better person and a better leader and I continue to do so.

My Perspective shift, was this was another building block to an even better dream.

And recently perspective shift...Starting on April 5th, all associates at BBW, expect for SM's, will be put on a furlough, or in simple terms, a temp lay off, until we can reopen again.

A furlough is an unpaid temp leave.

Ya'll it is scary. I have worked my whole life practically, even single week or every other week, pay checks and money come in. To have that stop, even for a small amount of time, is scary, and anxious and nerve wracking.

I cried.

At that moment, reading that, it was all too much.

And then the Perspective shift happened...

I told myself, I am blessed to have been paid for 4 weeks while out, I am healthy, I still have a job I can go back too, after this over. I have a roof over my head and food in my home and on my table. I have a boyfriend who would do anything for me, to make sure I am safe and secure. I have family and friends and I have a budget and savings if it really gets out of hand.


I shifted my whole view of it being something that is happening to me, to something that is happening for me.

It is making me reevaluate my spending, how I budget and if I really do need all the things I spend on in my life, it is making me slow down and really grow.

If you didn't know, Growth is my word for 2020.

Okay, so my examples of Perspective shifting will be different than yours.

But I want you to think, when trauma and fear and rejection come into your life, how can you change it to see a better outcome from it, than you had seen it once before. It will take time, it is a mindset shift, you might have to dig deep sometimes to find it, and that is okay, but shift it to see it as a change for the better, or a lesson to learn from because believe me it takes less energy to find happiness than sadness from it.

We have one life to live, lets make it as meaningful as possible.


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