What you missed this year....

Dear Dad,

So we approached a new milestone today. Today it has been 5 years since you left my world. 5 years, 1825 day and 43800 hours. I still can't believe you are gone. I know this will sound bad but sometimes I don't even realize and then some days, on the best days, you know those days you loved, when the sun was so bright and the weather was so perfect, you never want them to end. That is the day that it hits me like a ton of bricks and I can't call you and tell you I miss you and I love you. Sure I can look to the sky or I can go to my special spot where I laid your ashes, but I miss your voice. I miss you telling me about your day and how it went. I miss you telling me about your stories of work and just simply I miss you telling me you love me.

I just miss you....

Those days happen all the time. When I hear a song on the radio, rather it be Tears in Heaven or an old school classic rock song. I put the classic rock station on sometimes just in hopes to hear you in the music again.

This 5th year of you being gone, you missed some things. I ran some more races of course. I did a 100 day running streak, yup, you were with me the whole time. I know you were there on those days when the runs were super hard and I needed that extra little push. The whole family came down this year and we had an absolute blast. Poppy was in his element with the sun and the relaxing, oh and he really likes hot wings. He even choose to eat at Hooters because he loved the wings so much haha. We did a lot when they were down here. We celebrated at the Gay Pride parade. Uncle Keith, Uncle Kevin, Abby and I had so much fun.

We went on a dolphin tour, kind of like what we did when you visited. We went to an aquarium. James, Uncle Keith, Abby and I went to Busch Gardens and we had a heck of a time. We rode rides and watched a show, we ate and had a really great day. We even went to a baseball game. I think everyone had a great visit, you of course would have had us all laughing. You would have been in the gulf and laying out on the beach all day long. You and Abby would have played in the water and you would have said over and over how much you loved Florida. I honestly think the reason I love Florida is because of you.

I celebrated my birthday in July. I turned 31 and James took me to a country concert, which by the way I sang and danced the night away. It was a simple birthday but so much fun. I went on a work trip in August, that I earned for being good at my job. In October, James FINALLY came home to Catskill with me. And guess what...

He loved it. He loved the charm of our sweet little town. I took him apple picking and he went golfing. I showed him everywhere!!!! And he ate a really NY slice of pizza. We had such a great visit and we stayed here at Poppys house, which by the way is not the walnut house anymore, but you knew that.

The holidays came and went. They happened so quickly. I am training for a half marathon in April and having some pain in my leg from the running, if you could send some good vibes that would be greatly appreciated.

This past year, I of course missed you often. And today when I woke up, for one quick moment, I couldn't believe what day it was. I recall this day all the time. It haunts me for a little bit and then it doesn't. It slips away silently and I am engulfed in the love of our family. I come home every year now since 5 years ago, just to be here with everyone. I need to be around them, mainly I just need to be around Poppy. So besides the fact that you are gone, you gave me a gift to always be back here with them, forever. We share a rare bond now, this day is always with us, but together we heal.

I love you daddy and miss you even more. Please continue to guide me in this life.

I hope I am making you proud....

Until we meet again...