Saturday, July 20, 2013

Running Through Insecurities

I tend to live my life through moments or experiences, I find little milestones in my journey everyday. Well, today was one of those little, Big moments for me. Yesterday while I was shopping, I picked up a couple of running shorts. Living in Florida and during the summer months the heat is unbearable at times. I run with carpi's, but being that I am 5 foot nothing, they tend to look and feel more like pants. So it can get really hot and nasty, even if I wear the wiki drying fabric. But the big problem is I don't work out in shorts. I try to avoid it at all cost because being honest I don't like my legs. My thighs are big, they jiggle, they have pockets of fat, my calves are bulging and big, I am just not comfortable in them to run because I feel everyone can see them move in a very unflattering way. Plus I know my legs rub together, so the idea of doing that for miles and miles, just makes the matter worse. As a new change to my new year, I figured, I am going to branch out and learn to impress the shorts. I picked up the brightest ones I could find, bright pink and bright yellow, despite how my legs looked, I would still be bright and cheery. Today on my run, I wore my bright yellow shorts. Putting them on was a new feeling. Growing up I was made fun of a lot! I was never comfortable in my own skin, because I wasn't made comfortable. I was called a lot of hurtful names and my insecurities I wore on the outside and mainly the inside. It was tough, and hard, and it has taken me until last year to really seek outward and embrace myself. So putting on those shorts and actually committing to the task at hand was a challenge all its own, but I did it. I put on those shorts and I ran. My legs jiggled, they rubbed together,but for the first mile, I swore I would not fidget when they rose up a bit. I didn't care what people were seeing. In my head, I kept saying, they don't see a girl with big legs running, they see someone who had the courage to get out there and do it. Those 5 miles were tough, the heat was strong, the shorts were very different, but I broke through that wall that was holding me back. Now to some this may seem so petty or trivial, you might think really her big deal is running in shorts, but it is a big deal because it means I am learning to love myself. I am embracing who I am and mainly embracing and recognizing how far I traveled to get here. So my recommendation is just get out there, run away from the voice inside of your head saying you cant do it or you will look stupid or fat or slow, or whatever. I did and guess what that voice became a whisper and then it stopped and a new voice spoke, louder, stronger, and said, YOU JUST DID IT!!