Friday, April 11, 2014

Only Human...

Sometimes when I look in the mirror I still see that overweight, sad, trying to suck it into too tight of pants and shirts girl. I still see the flaws and imperfections. I still question if I am going to gain all that weight back and if I am still that heavy as before.

This week has been one of those weeks. I feel like I look like a giant balloon. Nothing is different in me at all, everything looks the same and fits the same, but when I look at myself I feel like I gained a 1000 pounds. I am obsessing over it a bit. Looking in the mirror, comparing pictures from this year and last year. And the thing is, I am the same weight this time last year, and I look different from last year too.

Why is it that our minds play these tricks on us? This week has been a pretty off week too, personally. I had a long travel day on Tuesday, Monday I was out all day because I had to get James from the airport, Wednesday I was just beat to all hell after my car issue, but I did run that day. Thursday I slept in a bit, because frankly I just needed it. Today, I tried to sleep in again, but despite being so tired, I couldn't turn my mind off to just sleep.

Tomorrow I am off of work and off until Monday and the half is on Sunday. I can not wait because when I run, I feel thin, I feel accomplished and I don't feel icky, I suppose. I am sure I am hormonal because my time is coming very soon, but I guess today is just one of those look in the mirror days.

I have to remember that I have lost 78 pounds. 78 pounds that is huge. I roller coaster between that and 86 pounds for the last year. But I have lost inches, pants and shirt sizes. I have improved my whole body in the last year alone. And I have done 5 half marathons, 3 5ks and a 15k. Oh and I am gearing up to run a marathon.

I guess I just pride myself on never getting myself done with my weight because I have come so far, but really I do. I do have those off days, where I wake up and touch my stomach to see if it has gotten flatter and then when it bloats throughout the day, just wait for it go down.

I guess I am just human and on this path.. I have come quite a long way, before I would just say oh its a bad day and indulge. And sure tonight we are going for pizza and wine, its been a week, but the old me would have pizza, wine, cake, or candy and have way too many slices and way to many glasses. I have control now, I control my body. I am human and these days come but now I know how to make them go away.

I found this quote and it just seemed to make sense and I will leave it with that..