Tuesday, June 3, 2014

My Pity Party with the Scale...

First before I go on with this unusual post I am about to have, I want to update my training. Today was Day 38, even though I didn't put in the title because the title says what I want to say, but I don't want to forget my journey. This morning, I got up super early before work and got in 3 miles. It was a tough, slow, 3 miles, my legs were tired and felt like lead and even though I felt I was running, I felt like I was going through peanut butter...




Exactly! But I got out there, got the miles in and stuck with the plan and kept it moving on...

It is June 3rd...

Holy Macaroni and Cheese Balls, the year is almost half over! Where the heck has it gone???!! Crazy town. And to believe I have accomplished a lot in these last few months, but one thing that is bothering me A LOT is what is reflecting on the scale.

That number is just not going down. One week it is down, the next it is up and I am really starting to get frustrated. It has been like that for almost a year now and while I don't think I am doing anything different, maybe I am.

I know I am snacking more, but not bad stuff. I am not eating candy and chips and all that, but maybe I am having one more than I should. I am making healthy choices of course and I am tracking points. Now are there moments I don't want to track, for sure, but I am still doing it. Are there moments where I maybe don't track the full point because I feel guilty???

To be honest...

Yes. But I am human and I understand this is a journey. I know that I am doing this for the rest of my life, I understand it is ongoing and I am going to have months like this maybe even years. But I will not gain back that weight I lost, I will not go back on that path. I just need to get over this hump and I am just stuck. I work out every day, 3 days running, 3 days either walking or XT. Maybe on the days I run, I just eat those activity points and the other days I stick to my 26.

Again let be honest, 26 points, really, really suck. I am hungry with those 26 points for sure, but I am trying, really, really hard to go over them. I have read some people gain weight during training for a marathon and I don't want to be that person, god no! I have to be more on point with it, really tight. I need to kick it up a notch and make no more excuses and mistakes.

I am not unmotivated, I am just unsure what I am doing wrong. Maybe I am not eating enough or pushing myself hard enough. I don't want to get myself down, but when I get on that scale, like today, when I had a great week and see a pound up, it is soul crushing. Then I remember, I ran 3 miles today, I brought my lunch, drank water, I ate fruit and veggies and made great choices. I did everything I am suppose to, so what am I doing wrong.

Next week, I am skipping my weigh in day on Tuesday and weighing in after work on Wednesday. I run on Tuesdays, so my leader thinks maybe it is water retention, etc. So I will try something new, switch it up and take it from there. I will not give up or get upset. I have to remember I can not compare myself to anyone else, I can not even compare myself to myself.

See, I have never been this small in weight in my whole life. I have never been this size, size small or medium or a size 8 in pants. I have always been larger, always a bigger size, always chunky, so why am I so fixated on what I should be.

I guess it is just life in general, you always want to be better than someone else, but the funny thing is, there is no one I want to be better than, but I know I can be better than who I am.

Where am I going with this and thank you for reading along. I guess, I am saying is I am in a rut, in a drought, but I am not giving up. I am going to pick myself up, push harder, work harder, train harder and next week, I will get on that scale and show it who is boss, I will get over this hump and spike and whatever else is going on.

But, for now, I will celebrate the NSV (non scale victories ), like the fact, I bent down and felt the back of my leg the other day...

AND I HAD A MUSCLE!!!

I have NEVER had a muscle in my legs, I had cankles and flab, but oh man I felt a legit muscle. That my dear friends, is amazing!!!! That is worth the 1 pound gain I had because that muscle is helping me make my way to the finish line of my first marathon, you know that thing I am training for :0) , another NSV!!

Okay, so now that I am done with my pity party, I promise next week, wont be the same, I will have conquered it and showed that scale that you will not break this gal.